


Theon "Grey Wind" Debonair Extraordinaire

by orphan_account



Category: Asoiaf - Fandom, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: AU, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 16:11:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you're given a second chance.<br/>And sometimes the second chance requires you to be forced into the form of a direwolf, in which Theon decides is probably the worst karma he could possibly have gotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Theon "Grey Wind" Debonair Extraordinaire

**Author's Note:**

> ASOIAF K!Meme Prompt:  
> After the siege of Winterfell, Theon wishes it wasn't too late to do it all over. He gets his wish and travels to the past. Only, he doesn't come back as Theon. He comes back as Grey Wind. 
> 
> \+ for No Wolf Instincts  
> ++ Summer, Shaggydog, Lady, Ghost, and Nymeria hate him  
> +++ Robb Thinks His Wolf is Defective
> 
> ** yes they are direwolves but Theon repeatedly refers to them as dogs. That's intentional because Theon is a jerk. I love him anyway. 
> 
> Theon, Sansa, Jon, Robb and the wolves all belong to George R. R. Martin  
> I just wrote the crackfic.

_Whoever the idiot was that said dogs have simple lives should be kicked by a horse,_ Theon decided as he tripped over his paws for the fifth time. 

There were four of them, huge and clumsy and trying to place one in front of the other without having another suddenly in your way was far harder than it looked. It was like trying to skip and run at the same time and Theon, even as a human, never had been by _anyone’s_ standards coordinated. 

“I think my wolf is defective,” Robb said slowly as Theon stopped to itch himself and promptly fell at the lift of one leg effectively taking out the balance of the other three in the process. His tail wind-milled drastically in a thwarted attempt to stay upright, to no avail. 

“And they thought Ghost was the runt,” Jon said, eying Theon with distaste. 

He growled deep in his throat at the dark haired boy. _Bastard._

There was a definite lack of ladies as a wolf, Theon realized very quickly. Hey though, if half the rest of Westeros could get one off on their brother or sister, Theon figured Nymeria or Lady wouldn’t mind, right? 

That is until he got knocked down, turned into a chew toy by Summer and Ghost, was chased by Shaggydog into Robb’s bedpost and ended up missing part of the fur on his nose to the splintery bedpost as well that Theon realized direwolves weren’t as easy as milk-maids or farm girls. _Stupid dogs._

Sansa sat next to the fire, knitting neatly as Theon approached. _Ah yeah, that’s what I’m talking about._ He pushed his head up her skirts, snuffling at her undergarments when a foot collided with the side of his face, knocking him to the floor.

“Robb! Get your vile direwolf out of here, he’s being a pest!” _Still as much of a bitch now as she was when he was human._ Theon bit at her skirts, tearing them as he fled the room tongue lolling out of his mouth as he ran down the halls of Winterfell. _Hey I think I’m getting the hang of this four paws thi—_ the thought was cut off as his paws suddenly slid out from under him and Theon realized _stairs!_ About the same time he hit every step on the way down, in no way catching himself in any graceful manner. _Damnit weren’t dogs supposed to land on all fours or something?_

Jon stared at him for a long moment before walking past him up the stairs. Ghost leered at him in a way Theon just knew the direwolf was mocking him. Already feeling undignified, Theon lifted his tail and strutted away from the staircase. _These wenches are just jealous._

Theon Grey Wind. It was close to Greyjoy right? He could get used to that. Except that Robb talked very slowly to him because he was under the preposterous impression somehow that _Theon Grey Wind_ was an _idiot_. Somehow. 

Theon wondered how he ever came to such a conclusion when obviously he’d never been forced into the body of a horse of a creature with too many legs and a thing that came out just above your arse. 

“Come on Grey Wind.” Robb patted his knee far too many times than he actually needed to, his voice as gentle as if he was talking to a young child or something. 

Theon made a point of ignoring him. _I’ll answer when you stop treating the great Theon Grey Wind like a dumb animal thank you very much._

“He’s definitely defective,” Jon decided after the fifth time of Robb calling him and the wolf laying there without even an ear twitch. 

Robb sighed loudly. 

_Then again at least his owner was Robb and not Ramsay._

Theon walked, in his opinion, very regally over to Robb finally and Robb frowned. “I think he may be having problems with his bowels. He’s walking strangely.” Robb sighed, clapping Jon on the shoulder as he walked past. 

The other wolves all were having a laugh at him, he just knew it. Tongues lolling, panting as they watched him. 

Theon decided he hated dogs.


End file.
